My Notes: The New York Times Well Festival

I was lucky to be invited to the first annual Well Festival as a VIP guest by Lori Lebovich, editor of the Well Section of the New York Times.

It was an all-day event, and today, I’m sharing all the notes I took and some of the thoughts I had.

Building a Life of Joy

Actress, producer and entrepreneur Tracee Ellis Ross sat down with Lori Leibovich to reflect on what it means to build a life rooted in joy, touching on aging with grace, navigating beauty standards and the inner strength that fuels her resilience. This candid, empowering exchange celebrated self-expression, evolution and the power of presence.

With Tracee Ellis Ross. Moderated by Lori Leibovich.

THE NOTES I TOOK:

Joy is different from happiness. Happiness you can get at a 7-11. Joy is something that you earn and work for. Joy has legs. Joy has feet. Joy has roots. Joy is an attitude, perspective, and a lens through which to live and look at life. Joy is a choice, like gratitude. Name what lights up your heart. Instead of “I feel overwhelmed,” she says, “My plate is wonderfully full.”

The cultural narrative of women undermined her self-worth and joy until she realized it was somebody else’s idea. She still gets caught up in it, but doesn’t believe her life is unworthy because she doesn’t have children or a partner.

There’s a false narrative around how your beauty makes you worthy, and that’s garbage.

My body’s point is not that people think it’s pretty. The emotional and spiritual aspect of getting over this is delicious/fantastic. My favorite place to be is in my body.

Meditation is defined as doing what you’re doing while doing it.

I don’t pretend I’m not afraid. I’m afraid and do it anyway.

There’s a tendency to think you have to do more to be worth it, but you can do enough, and that can be enough.

Love: Some people want to be swept away, but I don’t. I want to keep my feet on the ground. Love is different from chemistry. I want a relationship that has chemistry and love.

Sunday is her day to follow her heart around (love this).

You may not get everything you want, but know what you want.

Keep embracing the joy of what is coming instead of viewing it as a hardship.

THE THOUGHTS I HAD:

Refreshing to hear a celebrity talk (albeit briefly) of being a childfree, unpartnered woman of a certain age in this society.

(I’d love a panel on this specific type of isolation for next year.)

Finding Meaning in the Face of Adversity

Writer and cancer survivor Suleika Jaouad and journalist Patia Braithwaite dug into themes of resilience, healing and purpose. They uncovered how creativity can serve as a lifeline during challenging times and how adversity can forge a more meaningful, purpose-driven life.

With Suleika Jaouad. Moderated by Patia Braithwaite.

THE NOTES I TOOK:

Started a 100-day project of keeping a journal with a friend, and it saved her life. When she wrote the things she felt she couldn’t say out loud, she was better able to be in conversation with her friends, family and the world.

She found she needed to be prompted to write in her journal. She begins by reading something and looking for a prompt to respond to. She can cast aside unhelpful questions and negative thinking when she does that.

There is no right or wrong way to write in a journal. But writing by hand helps the inclination to edit. Consistency breeds rewards.

Advice for how to get through: It’s not “Live every day like it’s your last,” but “Live every day as if it’s your first.” The way she does this is through her tiny acts of alchemy,

THE THOUGHTS I HAD:

Her prompts (like, “Just 10 images,” write down 10 most memorable moments from the last 24 hours) remind me of Oblique Strategies

(I would love to see some of the visual art she worked on projected on the screen behind her.)  

Protecting Your Happiness in the Age of Social Media

Psychologist and author Lisa Damour joined entrepreneur Gabriela Nguyen and health reporter Dani Blum to unpack what it takes to safeguard your well-being in a hyperconnected world. Offering practical strategies for managing screen time, navigating social media and building genuine offline connections, this session delivered tools to help us reclaim our attention and joy.

With Lisa Damour and Gabriela Nguyen. Moderated by Dani Blum.

THE NOTES I TOOK:

What makes us feel so bad when we’re scrolling? Social Media is all good and bad at once, making studying hard. It robs us of time in ways we don’t mean it to. Our frustration comes when we see that we didn’t mean to spend 20 minutes watching folding videos.

GN: What’s the value of time? What are the meaningful relationships I care about? What does it mean to be a human being? Being able to ask and answer these questions is the core of what it means to use technology in the digital age. If you skip over those questions and go straight to apps to help you keep track of time, you’ll just be hitting a wall.

How to know what the benefits are? Friendships build connection and stay connected, which is enormously valuable.

This isn’t good if it undermines relationships with people around us. Use it to build relationships and get information, but it should never get in the way of people right before us.

Kids whose parents are phubbing them a lot have mental health concerns. We have to know where our phones are and why they’re there.

GN: This social norm is not fixed. We can question whether this is the way we want to live. Companies are creating alternatives to our phone, giving you the agency to control what you look at and how you operate.

Realistic first steps to rethink your relationship with social media: Evaluate whether it’s improving your life or getting in the way. Psychologists love routines. Routines say what you care about. If you want to change, add scrolling into your routine: 20 minutes in the morning. Done. If you fall off the wagon, get back on the wagon.

GN: Focus is continued attention. Don't look at it if it interrupts the continuity of your actions.

How do you know what’s harming you more than helping you?

Be intentional about not letting it be the default. There’s enormous value in an unbusy mind. There’s a huge value in Soft Fascination. When we’re walking or gardening, if we don’t fill the space with technology, our mind finds all the open tabs waiting for us. There’s so much content already available to us, in our minds.

Only when we leave the bandwidth are we available to clean up mental clutter. Whenever you open social media, you’re opening a new tab, adding to your mental clutter. Eventually, that’s exhausting. So set aside time to clean up that mental clutter. Set aside time when you’re washing dishes. Drive in silence from time to time.

Address the actual technology that you own. Being able to change the technology that you use is an act of agency.

What norms are being brought to us by the algorithm, and do we agree with these norms? Are they nudging us toward norms we disagree with? Chilling and scrolling are other norms that we have to consider.

How do we assess that you’re spending too much time online? Ask: Is the screentime productive or not? For the optional stuff, is it making us better? (Not optimized, but is it enhancing our overall wellbeing?).

Email is a large issue. Think within the day, not the 5-year plan, about how you use social media and email.

Set concrete boundaries. Lisa: when we look at the data on sleep, it is the most essential thing we do. If we protect our sleep and have no phones in bedrooms, we will sleep better and feel better.

How to practice Appstinance.

After the jump: How to Fix Your Relationship with Terry Real and Jancee Dunn, Charlamagne Tha God on Mental Health, Dacher Keltner and Samin Nosrat on Community and nurturing through food, what we’ve learned from 80 years of happiness research, Peter Attia, Dan Harris, Sara Barielles.

Upgrade to read all my notes and thoughts, including the one panel that deeply frustrated me.

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