A Field Guide to Spotting Manipulation in Real Time
Crib sheet for the road
Amanda Stern
August 20, 2025
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Citizen Psychology — A Field Guide to Spotting Manipulation in Real Time
Last week, I wrote about how poorly equipped we are, as a society, in the basics of Psychology. Without these tools, many of us grow vulnerable to exploitative groups like NXIVM or One Taste, to championing or working for con artists like Anna Delvey or Elizabeth Holmes, and to casting our votes for leaders who erode democracy from the inside out, like Trump, Matt Gaetz, or Marjorie Taylor Greene.
This newsletter exists to democratize psychology — to make its insights and tools available to everyone.
As you read today’s guide, notice how the same red flags that signal corruption in government show up in friendships, workplaces, and intimate relationships. Learning to recognize these signs early can safeguard democracy, as well as the sanctity and sanity of our personal lives.
When I talk about “red flags,” I mean the early warning signs of unhealthy or dangerous behavior — the subtle but telling cues that, if ignored, almost always grow into something worse.
A red flag is the boss who takes credit for your work, the friend who vanishes the moment you need support, the romantic partner who breaks promises and insists it’s no big deal, the politician who blames everyone else for their failures. These signals might seem minor at first, but they are patterns in miniature, pointing toward the harm that will come if they’re overlooked.
I believe people fall into three categories:
Those who can’t identify red flags
Those who can recognize red flags, but don’t know what they foretell
Those who can recognize red flags and know what they foretell
As an adjunctive to last week’s piece, I’m offering this reference guide of Red Flags and what they foretell in politics, the professional realm and in our personal lives.
This guide is designed to move you into the third group.
Red Flags in Leadership
These patterns, when displayed by political leaders, predict dangerous behavior in power, jeopardizing the very institutions they lead.
Grandiose Narcissism: When Ego Runs the Show
Definition: Excessive self-regard, need for constant admiration.
Foretells: Leaders who place their image above truth, law and consequence.
Political Case Example: Donald Trump demands loyalty not to the Constitution, but to himself. Officials who disagree are humiliated or fired. His policies bend toward preserving his ego rather than protecting the public good.
Corporate Case Example: Elizabeth Holmes built Theranos not on functioning science, but on her ability to convince powerful people she was a genius. Patients received false blood test results, putting other peoples’ lives at risk to preserve her image.
Lack of Empathy: People as Tools
Definition: Dismisses others' suffering, sees people only as means to an end.
Foretells: A culture of cruelty, where harm is normalized.
Societal Case Example: During COVID-19, some leaders shrugged off mass deaths as “the cost of doing business.” Lives were reduced to expendable statistics.
Corporate Case Example: Amazon warehouse workers reported collapsing from exhaustion. Instead of adjusting quotas, managers blamed the workers.
Rule-Breaking: Laws Don’t Apply to Me
Definition: Ignores laws/norms when inconvenient.
Foretells: A slow creep of corruption that normalizes itself.
Public Life Case Example: The January 6th insurrection was fueled by leaders who insisted rules about elections didn’t apply to them.
Corporate Case Example: Uber’s early expansion depended on ignoring city laws. Rule-breaking was sold as “innovation,” but the costs fell on ordinary people.
Exploitation Pattern: Using, Then Discarding
Definition: History of using people for personal gain.
Foretells: You are valued only for what you provide, not for who you are.
Public Life Case Example Anna Delvey posed as a wealthy heiress, borrowing friends’ credit cards for luxury trips. When the bills came due, she vanished.
Corporate Case Example: WeWork’s Adam Neumann sold employees on a utopian mission while cashing out millions for himself.
Blame Deflection: It’s Always Someone Else’s Fault
Definition: Never accepts responsibility, always finds others to blame.
Foretells: Problems repeat because they’re never truly addressed.
Public Life Case Example: Authoritarian leaders often blame minorities or immigrants for economic collapse.
Corporate Case Example: After the 2008 financial crash, many banking executives blamed “rogue traders” while pocketing bonuses.
These traits intensify with power, they don't improve.
After the jump, I reveal the warning signs in personal relationships and what they foretell. Ignoring these red flags can trap you in abusive relationships, toxic friendships and tortured family dynamics. You don’t want to miss this.
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