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PARENTS RESPOND

Last week’s newsletter was one I was afraid to send out into the world, and originally, I didn’t.

Many people (women, mainly) wrote and urged me to share it.

Despite feeling extra vulnerable, I sent out: The Single Life: On Exclusion, Loneliness and Understanding.

The response was amazing. Single women weighed in via comments, some people sent me texts and others emails.

My piece is just one half of a larger conversation, and I’d like to share the side that weighed in to explain why their single friends often get shafted.

Some is expected, but certain things are unexpected.

A single mother friend whom I deeply adore texted to say that the weeks she’d been thinking about me turned into months because it was hard to find time to hang out and— this next part is important— she’s under the mistaken assumption that if she can’t offer time then she shouldn’t text, or respond to a text.

RELATABLE.

This is an understandable dilemma, and I’ve been there before. It was helpful, and going forward, I’ll be mindful of that dilemma, and shift my own thwarted thinking that not hearing from her means she doesn’t want to see me, or be friends anymore.

Instead of being able to sit with uncertainty, we often spin a story to satisfy the sense of certainty we crave—and we believe the story despite this fact: the story is always fiction.

Another friend wrote to say that the sentiment flows both ways. Sometimes, she said, it’s single people who exclude couples because married people with kids are boring and mainstream.

I think this is can be true, for sure.

At the same time, this can only be true if social focus is exclusively on the subject of family and kid life, topics single people can’t equally participate. Instead of on more universal ideas and issues.

Another friend weighed in with a thoughtful email that, with permission, I’m going to share. All emphasis is mine.

EMAIL:

“Here's my personal experience with this:

I have two kids.

I love love love going out and seeing my non-parent friends, and I regret that I don't see them more. But I generally don't invite them to most things, because most things in my life involve having kids around, and...

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