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Are You Really Free? The Silent Struggle That Might Be Holding You Back

You’re in your 20s, in a car with some friends heading upstate. Alanis Morissette plays on the radio, the early summer warmth suns your face, a long weekend’s in front of you, and you’re spending it at a free house, with a pool.

You’re lucky, and you know it. Yet, your feelings are misaligned with this reality, and with the wide open joy such occasions foster. As your friends pop open beers, tell jokes, and gossip, you focus every ion of willpower to stay sure-footed atop a swinging wire thousands of feet above ground.

You are the Philippe Petit of imbalance.

One misstep and you’ll plummet into the maw of a sharp-toothed panic attack, but if you can stay propped up for just a few minutes longer, you might be spared.

You close your eyes and pretend to sleep. It’s better when no one is paying attention to you. You can focus on willing the dread away: begging, pleading, silently davening to a God you don’t believe in to remove it. 

You’re in your 30s.

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