Dear Members,

I’ve assembled a Q&A for you on the theme of ontological insecurity.

Ontological what?

Ontology is a branch of metaphysics focusing on the nature of being.

The concept of Ontological Insecurity, which emerged from existential philosophy (and through the work of R.D. Laing), refers to a profound sense of self-doubt and a lack of confidence in one's identity and abilities. At its core, it points to the destabilization of the basic security we feel in who we are and our purpose.

Typically, this originates in disruptions to attachments in infancy and childhood.

When parents or other primary attachment figures can’t provide the emotional mirroring that infants and young children need to form a coherent, integrated self, this lack can lead to an incoherent sense of self that’s often carried through life.

Uncertainty about the stability of one’s existence and the contents of personhood becomes more common when this early attunement is lacking.

Those wrestling with high ontological insecurity frequently feel unsure if their outward presentation aligns with the inner truth or if something fraudulent exists at the core.

People with ontological insecurity long for the substantiveness that their early environments could not nurture.

However, healing this distress is possible by creating the missed attunement, which I touch on in my answers below.

Make sense? I hope so, okay, let’s dive in…

Question:

I have wasted so much time. I worry I’ve wasted my life because I used my time so poorly, or worse, let other people use my time poorly. My worry about lost time has paralyzed me with fear. All I can think about is time passing. It’s passing right now as I’m typing this. I need to get unstuck and move forward, but I don’t know how.

Answer:

My most profound insights don't go in the free version—they're distilled from my 27 years in therapy, decades of independent study, and work as a mental health advocate. These frameworks and perspectives are reserved for readers committed to going deeper.

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