Hello beloved readers,

Have you heard about the 1926 self-help pamphlet that promises to teach you how to make your dreams come true? Published anonymously, “It Works” took the world by storm, never went out of print, and has sold over 1.5 million copies. Read about it here.

If you know another human seeking ways to live a more conscious life but doesn’t know where or how to start, please share this newsletter with them so they know they have options and are not alone.

xx, Amanda

Despite the nearly 13K subscribers, How to Live is struggling to fund itself and needs your support.

If this newsletter has helped you feel less alone and more supported, please consider paying it forward by helping me keep this work alive. I’m an independent writer struggling to make a living, and every dollar I receive goes into the not inconsequential expenses required to write and run this newsletter.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

THIS WEEK’S REC IS…YOU ARE NOT ALONE MURALS.

Rec Qualifications: If something enhances my life, it might improve yours.

A QUICK SHOUT-OUT before we start. I like sending people to newsletters I read and learn from. I won’t do this every week, but I’d love to send you The Psychology of Business by Brandon A. Griffin. Pieces are short and informative, like this one on Balancing Work-Life Balance. I’m a sucker for understanding the psychology of, well, everything! And that includes business.

If you subscribe, he asks for your Twitter handle to shout you out online. This is a genius move, and I am stealing it. See, I learned something JUST FROM HIS WELCOME LETTER! Subscribe here.

What Happens When the One-Size-Fits-All Life Doesn’t Fit?

Last weekend, I met up with someone I hadn’t seen since I was 13.

We had a lovely time catching up. He reminded me of the last time we saw each other, which I didn’t remember. When we were 13, we ran into each other on the street. He said I was with a much older man who, my friend remembers, “looked like a black gay fashion icon.” That sounds about right.

The fashion icon and I took my friend to the Scrapbar on MacDougal Street, where we drank beer and sang along to the jukebox.

After laughing about that and other memories from our youth, he filled me in on his life.

He was honest in a way I find rare. He was open about how difficult raising children was for him and how marriage was incredibly taxing. Yet, despite all their unconventional ways to stay together, when they thought they wouldn’t last, he and his wife somehow made their life work.

Then he asked me the question that everyone asks me, but because I was not expecting it from someone who had just been so open about the hardships of conventional life, it caught me off guard.

“So, tell me. Why didn’t you ever get married?”

For the first time, instead of explaining or feeling the need to justify my life, I asked him a question:

“Why did you get married?”

“I don’t know, it’s just what people do,” he said.

The thing about me is that I’ve never succeeded at doing “What people do.”

I’ve tried, but I’ve failed at living life according to those conventional heteronormative markers, and common rites of passage. Many people follow the course of doing “what people do” without ever questioning whether this ready-made formula is the life they want, assuming it is the path of least resistance.

But when you live according to society’s prescribed notions of a proper life, is it really easier?

That’s when I realized something…

My most profound insights don't go in the free version—they're distilled from my 27 years in therapy, decades of independent study, and work as a mental health advocate. These frameworks and perspectives are reserved for readers committed to going deeper.

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