Complaining is Good for You, if You Do it Right. Science Agrees with Me.

Whenever I ask people how they are, they often respond, “No complaints.” I find this hard to believe, so I have to ask them again because having “no complaints” isn’t noble; it’s also not true.

We ALL have complaints, but we’ve been raised to believe that complaining is bad. It’s not. Done right, complaining, on its face, is healthy. It’s wallowing, but that isn’t good for you. And it’s ruminating that will likely be your downfall.

But complaining—that might save you. It’s not my opinion. It’s SCIENCE.

On January 2, my sister Kara was crabby. So was I. On January 3, I was still crabby. So was Kara. That was when I wrote to her, asking rather matter-of-factly: “Can today be a day where we just complain to each other? Please?”

She wrote back: “Yes!!!! Bring it on!” and then we began.

It was such a relief for us both! We loved it so much that my sister proposed we choose a day every week to complain. And so #ComplaintTuesday was born.

Since that day, Tuesday has become our favorite day of the week, and we look forward to it.

The rules: #ComplaintTuesday is all about curation and restraint. All week long, you save up your complaints until Tuesday, when you allow yourself to complain ALL DAY LONG, whenever you feel like it.

It doesn’t have to be nonstop, but #ComplaintTuesday is NOT a day for bragging that things are going your way—this is a day to indulge and release everything that bugs you.

By Tuesday’s end, you go to bed knowing that you will wake up and start storing a whole new host of complaints in a literal or metaphorical box until it’s time to open it again.

Why do people think complaining is unhealthy? I’ll tell you why. And then, of course, I will list all my present complaints, because I am writing this on #ComplaintTuesday.

As a person with a lifelong panic and anxiety disorder, I am familiar with complaining. I know there is a productive way to complain and an unproductive way.

With #ComplaintTuesday, we can explore the distinction between the two and use complaining to help improve our mental health.

UNPRODUCTIVE COMPLAINING

Understanding and participating in #ComplaintTuesday is understanding the distinction between unproductive and productive complaining.

Unproductive complaining has a negative, no-end-in-sight, seeks-no-resolution quality. Anxious people often complain unproductively when they feel out of control. It’s a maladaptive way of self-soothing, a flag that falsely signals to ourselves that we are gaining power.

Anxious people can also complain daily about minor things, which can also feel toxic, like they can only see the bad in everything; the more they scour for bad things to complain about, the worse they will see in everything.

Ready for PRODUCTIVE COMPLAINING?

My most profound insights don't go in the free version—they're distilled from my 27 years in therapy, decades of independent study, and work as a mental health advocate. These deeper dives are reserved for readers committed to going deeper.

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