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On Choosing What to Think: Dr. Chansky’s Practical Advice for Ruminators

When I was writing Resolving the unresolvable: the difference between thinking and ruminating (which you should peruse before reading this), I reached out to a friend, and anxiety expert, Dr. Tamar Chansky, to ask for some solutions on how to effectively manage or stop rumination when you’re stuck in its teeth.

She gave me so much information that I realized it warranted its post. What follows here is our conversation, including Dr. Chansky’s indispensable advice on getting unstuck from the negative loops of rumination.

I can’t thank Dr. Chansky enough for her time and attention to these questions and for extricating me from my vicious ruminating cycle.

AS: First, please explain the difference between rumination and thinking.

TC: Rumination is the process of having repetitive thoughts that your mind gets stuck on. They are usually about a negative situation—a past relationship or interaction, a mistake, or some unfinished or pending problem.

Different from thinking or processing, which can be productive, cathartic, and illuminating, ruminating causes distress because we are reliving only the direness of that situation. The focus on negativity makes us feel more hopeless and helpless. Yet, because the ruminative thoughts seem necessary, we keep doing it —even though it’s counterproductive and leaves us feeling more anxious and down.

AS: What’s the opposite of rumination?

TC: The opposite of rumination is deciding what to think about. When you choose your thoughts, you get somewhere, you get closure. When we’re thinking, thoughts wander freely through the mind; with rumination, we feel stuck inside thoughts that take up psychic space.

We don’t feel in charge of ourselves when we’re ruminating. Sometimes, people think it’s helpful to ruminate about being responsible and analyzing a painful event or relationship to gain a better understanding. Still, the retreading feels miserable, preventing any progress on the matter.

It’s like ironing and re-ironing every wrinkle—what’s the point? People often describe their ruminations as an inability to stop their brain—they are overthinking without access to a brake. They are in overdrive and feel trapped in their head.

AS: What are some tips to move from rumination into productive thinking?

TC: The first step is to bring separation between you and the feeling that you must attend to those ruminative thoughts. We may believe the rumination has a purpose, but spinning in place gets us nowhere.

Often, we know that it is counterproductive and anguishing, but the brain won’t let go, and we find ourselves in a loop.

Below, I recommend a two-part way to bring the emotion and importance of the thoughts down to size so that you can step back, get perspective, and begin to break free.

Step One helps with perspective, and Step Two helps with practical steps.

TAMAR CHANSKY'S TWO-STEP RULES FOR RUMINATORS

STEP ONE: CREATING SEPARATION

My most profound insights don't go in the free version—they're distilled from my 27 years in therapy, decades of independent study, and work as a mental health advocate. These deeper dives are reserved for readers committed to going deeper.

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