My Favorite Anxiety Resources for People of All Ages.

Sometimes calming yourself down takes a village. Here's my village...

Author

Amanda Stern
March 08, 2022

Quite frankly, a lot is going on in the world that is terrifying.

We are all caught in a horrifying limbo state, and the not knowing what’s going to happen is holding us all in a near-constant state of high alert.

Uncertainty itself is not dangerous, but for those with chronic anxiety, living with uncertainty can feel unbearable. Even the routine aspects of life can feel dangerous. This worry, when expressed, can sound to the non-anxious as negativity. Know that it is not. It’s simply what it is: genuine worry.

I’ve put together a list of my favorite anxiety tools which have helped me. I’ve also included some resources for children. (But I urge all anxious adults without children to read, or at least skim the books written for parents of anxious children.

I read many parenting books, and I have ZERO CHILDREN, and I cannot express how instrumental the content is for my mental health. When you read about what you needed but didn’t get as an anxious child, you can incorporate that learning into your life. It truly does not matter how old you are.)

While it’s taken me a very long time to openly admit, much less discuss my psychological battles, I can say with absolute certainty that sharing them with people I trust and feel safe with has been, without a doubt, one of the best things I’ve ever done for my mental health.

When we hide our truth, we grow more afraid of what we don’t want to reveal. Our feelings should not be like secrets, not only because there is no shame in them, but because when you keep a secret, you are telling yourself that there is something to hide.

Talking about my feelings has consistently helped me with my anxiety and depression. I strongly encourage you to discuss the things that worry you with those you trust.

EVERYONE suffers, EVERYONE worries, but not enough people talk about it. Sometimes we believe we have no one with whom to share it. But I promise you do! You’re not alone! You can always share it here, with this community and me.

When writing my memoir Little Panic: Dispatches of an Anxious Life, people would ask me what my book was about—I was vague, only offering this: “I’m writing about anxiety.”

And

EVERY

SINGLE

PERSON, I said that to would lean in to share their secret that they, too, were riddled with anxiety. More people than I can count said, “If you need to interview someone, I am the poster child for anxiety.”

Because of this, I began to understand that I was far from alone, making publishing this book much easier for me to bear.

Write this down, and keep it close: Your feelings are not facts. They are temporary and they will pass, just as the hours do. Just because you fear something will happen does not mean it will happen. Just because you fear something doesn’t make it accurate.

Just because you fear you are the only one who feels as you do, I can assure you, that is simply not true.

Now, without further ado, here are some of my favorite resources for adults and kids:

Original art for How to Live by Edwina White

THIS MEDITATION

Jack Kornfield is a best-selling author, mindfulness teacher, and practitioner who trained in Thailand as a Buddhist monk. He co-founded the Insight Meditation Society in Barre, MA, with Sharon Salzberg and Joseph Goldstein. He’s one of the founding teachers of Spirit Rock Center in Woodacre, California, and one of the teachers to introduce mindfulness to the West. He also has a Ph.D. in psychology.

“Non-Clinging Awareness” is a three-part guided meditation—I only do the first meditation, which is eight minutes long.

This meditation, by Jack Kornfield, is not simply soothing. It actively teaches you a practical skill—invaluable for those with anxiety—by taking you inside your body to experience a recent discomfort or challenge. It walks you through it, showing how you might have done things differently. It teaches you how to connect with the part you wish were more present.

While I recommend listening to it with your eyes closed the first few times, once you’ve familiarized yourself with the exercise, try to listen to it while walking or cooking or doing some other activity that allows you to half-listen. It’s calming and a great way to tap into the best version of yourself.

For me, it is, without a doubt, the most reliable way to feel more grounded and centered.

THIS APP

(Full disclosure: This is my brother Eddie Stern's app, but it helps me in my most anxious moments. For instance, I told a Moth story in front of a live audience for a Mainstage event at St. Ann's Church in NYC and had a major panic attack beforehand (my first in years).

The Breathing App was the only thing—the ONLY THING—that calmed me down. Please don't tell my brother. I have a reputation to maintain as an irreverent little sister.)

The app teaches something called Resonant Breathing, which resets the braking mechanism of your nervous system.

The website explains, “By using the app for just a few minutes, your nervous system enters into a state of equilibrium, sending signals of balance, mental calm, and inner peace to your body and mind.

The app is like a stress reset button. It is perfect for people who have little access to guidance and time or who don't want to (or say they can't) meditate. The app is simple, and it doesn't take a long time for the breathing technique to be effective.”

There’s a slider to choose the length of your session; you can also select how long you’d like to inhale and exhale—the “breathing ball” expands and shrinks. As it expands, you inhale; when you exhale, it shrinks.

There’s a breathing cue sound that the musician Moby developed. You inhale with the higher sound and exhale with the lower sound (this is the setting I use).

Deepak Chopra, MD, FACP, NYT best selling author of over 85 books, founder of the Chopra Center and Jiyo.com, guided the science and context behind the app.

Moby, a musician, DJ, author, and photographer born in New York City, who has sold over 20 million albums worldwide, developed the breathing cue sounds .

Eddie Stern, a yoga teacher, author and lecturer from New York, created the concept, and drew the blueprint for the app.

THIS BOOK

Robert Leahy is the author and editor of 28 books, and the director of the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy in NYC. He did his fellowship in psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania Medical School when it was under the direction of Dr. Aaron Beck, the father of cognitive therapy.

He also has a blog at Psychology Today called “Anxiety Files.”

Those who are chronically worried and anxious believe that these feelings prepare us for the worst and keep ourselves and others safe.

They don’t.

Dr. Leahy’s The Worry Cure is an indispensable, comprehensive resource that helps you identify, challenge, and face a variety of anxieties. The Worry Cure leads you through a seven-step process that is practical and easy to follow.

The techniques help you to identify your unproductive style of anxious worrying, recognize the maladaptive safety behaviors you've employed, and challenge the pattern of seeing, thinking, and behaving that you’ve developed over the course of your life with anxiety.

I pull this book out constantly. It reminds me of the things I cannot remember when I'm anxious, and it instantly calms me down.

FOR KIDS & PARENTS (but really, for all of us).

NATASHA DANIELS & AT PARENTING SURVIVAL

A child therapist, based in Arizona, Natasha Daniels has created an anxiety empire for children with anxiety: an online school, a Facebook group, a YouTube channel, a podcast, webinars, parenting classes, and a support group.

She’s published innumerable articles and offers a fantastic list of anxiety-reduction products to buy for your anxious kids and anxious self.

She believes that therapy for children should be a team effort and works hand-in-hand with parents, knowing that parents will learn as many new skill sets as their children. Her dedication to teaching children the tools to crush their anxiety, and walking parents through the same process, while they all grow in confidence, is nothing short of awe-inspiring.

I learned about Natasha Daniels when she invited me on her podcast. We had an amazing conversation and I was floored by the amount of work she was doing, and now am simply grateful.

THIS BOOK, this person, her website

Dr. Tamar Chansky is a writer and a psychologist with a mission to teach people how to make their minds a safer place to live. She founded the Children’s and Adult Center for OCD and Anxiety in Plymouth Meeting, PA.

Her mission is to de-stigmatize and normalize the experience of having anxiety.

She knows firsthand that anxiety treatment works.

You might have even come across her in my newsletter. She and I collaborate together often. In fact, we're cooking something up now for you...

She is the author of many books, but the one I turn to most often is Freeing Your Child From Anxiety. This book guides parents to navigate their child’s anxiety disorder, but it’s also helpful for adults who suffer from childhood anxiety (hello!) It helps parents identify what is typical anxiety and what is atypical anxiety.

This is a solutions-based approach to challenging and facing anxiety from a renowned expert in the field.

She has a series of "Freeing" books from Negative Thinking to OCD. Here are the ones I own, and cherish (as evidenced from the worn, well and often-read, covers).

If that’s not enough, she also has an educational website called WorryWiseKids to deepen adults’ knowledge of how they can help kids see they are smarter and wiser than their anxiety leads them to believe.

Here's a Facebook Live event we did together on Thinking vs. Ruminating (based on these articles: Resolving the unresolvable: the difference between thinking and ruminating and Dr. Chansky's Rules for Ruminators

Bring Change to Mind is a nonprofit organization dedicated to encouraging dialogue about mental health, and to raising awareness, understanding, and empathy. Actress & activist Glenn Close co-founded Bring Change to Mind in 2010 after her sister, Jessie Close, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and her nephew, Calen Pick, with schizoaffective disorder.

Every individual who speaks out inspires another. And another. That’s how we’ll end the stigma around mental illness. That’s how we’ll Bring Change to Mind.

MISSION

To end the stigma and discrimination surrounding mental illness.

VISION

We create multimedia campaigns, curate storytelling movements, and develop youth programs to encourage a diverse cultural conversation around mental health.

NORTH STAR STATEMENT

BC2M activates and empowers you to join our fight to end stigma and discrimination surrounding mental illness. United, we will create and advance innovative approaches and partnerships to start conversations around mental illness, share resources, and tell stories so everyone can thrive in a stigma free world.

Think that there's a benchmark of "Normalcy" we're all supposed to hit? Think again! Here's the "There's No Normal" PSA.

And a host of great looking graphics to share on social media, like these:

Make your own "There is NO Normal" graphic to post on social media.

Don't have the words, or don't know how to talk to someone about a specific issue? Have no fear! The How to Talk To Anyone About feature is here!

In their own words, The Child Mind institute is "dedicated to transforming the lives of children and families struggling with mental health and learning disorders by giving them the help they need.

We’ve become the leading independent nonprofit in children’s mental health by providing gold-standard evidence-based care, delivering educational resources to millions of families annually, training educators in underserved communities, and developing tomorrow’s breakthrough treatments."

And their website is filled with incredible information and interactive features, like:

Ask An Expert section.

And their newsletter, which I love, has their full archive available online.

HONORARY MENTIONS

SOCIAL MEDIA

Nicole LaPera’s @The.holistic.psychologist

Dr. Nicole LePera on Instagram: "Crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system. Oxytocin is released. This is why we all feel so good after a big cry. There’s a sense of calm. Peace + relaxation after the release. Crying is our body’s way of cleansing intense emotions + stabilizing the nervous system. It’s an energetic release that the body naturally does to cope with overwhelm. If you start to pay attention, you’ll notice that 9 times out of 10 people’s first response to someone crying is “don’t cry.” We say this to children. To adults. To anyone who’s crying because most of us have been raised in homes without emotional awareness. We struggle to understand our emotions— or to hold space for other people who experience intense emotions. We tell people to stop crying because it’s habit + because we are uncomfortable. Normalizing crying is so important. Allowing people to cry is a true gift. We just have to learn to be comfortable in sitting with someone’s tears. HERE ARE SOME THINGS TO DO WHEN SOMEONE STARTS CRYING: 1. Breathe. If you didn’t grow up in a home with emotional awareness, you might automatically say “don’t cry” or “it’s ok.” Pause before you speak it. Just stay conscious + present. 2. As they’re crying, you can ask “is there any way i can support you right now?” They might not answer or may not know. That’s ok, too. They may just want to vent or talk, so listen. 3. If you are in a safe relationship + know this persons likes physical touch, offer that. Silence and the human touch is a healer. 4. Be open: stay conscious to what’s happening within you. Are you uncomfortable or anxious? This will give you a lot of awareness for how your own emotions were dealt with growing up #selfhealers"

93K Likes, 1,309 Comments - Dr. Nicole LePera (@the.holistic.psychologist) on Instagram: "Crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system. Oxytocin is released. This is why we all feel so good after a big cry. There’s a sense of calm. Peace + relaxation after the release. Crying is our body’s way of cleansing intense emotions + stabilizing the nervous system. It’s an energetic release that the body naturally does to cope with overwhelm. If you start to pay attention, you’ll notice that 9 times out of 10 people’s first response to someone crying is “don’t cry.” We say this to children. To adults. To anyone who’s crying because most of us have been raised in homes without emotional awareness. We struggle to understand our emotions— or to hold space for other people who experience intense emotions. We tell people to stop crying because it’s habit + because we are uncomfortable. Normalizing crying is so important. Allowing people to cry is a true gift. We just have to learn to be comfortable in sitting with someone’s tears. HERE ARE SOME THINGS TO DO WHEN SOMEONE STARTS CRYING: 1. Breathe. If you didn’t grow up in a home with emotional awareness, you might automatically say “don’t cry” or “it’s ok.” Pause before you speak it. Just stay conscious + present. 2. As they’re crying, you can ask “is there any way i can support you right now?” They might not answer or may not know. That’s ok, too. They may just want to vent or talk, so listen. 3. If you are in a safe relationship + know this persons likes physical touch, offer that. Silence and the human touch is a healer. 4. Be open: stay conscious to what’s happening within you. Are you uncomfortable or anxious? This will give you a lot of awareness for how your own emotions were dealt with growing up #selfhealers"

She has an amazing knack for capturing exactly what you didn't know you were looking for, and breaks everything down into highly digestible instagram posts. Many are scroll-through, and all are invaluable.

Dr. Nedra Tawwab @nedratawwab

Nedra Glover Tawwab, Therapist on Instagram: "Acceptance gifts you the opportunity to decide what you want to do in the relationship. Honestly, with yourself about the situation is complex and helpful. Surprise results from someone repeatedly disappointing you and not accepting who they are. People can change, and you can't change them. When people show you who they are, don't invent a version of them that you want to exist. Patterns are repeated behaviors. What do YOU change (or accept) when someone is engaged in ways that don't foster what you want in the relationship? #nedranuggets"

37K Likes, 635 Comments - Nedra Glover Tawwab, Therapist (@nedratawwab) on Instagram: "Acceptance gifts you the opportunity to decide what you want to do in the relationship. Honestly, with yourself about the situation is complex and helpful. Surprise results from someone repeatedly disappointing you and not accepting who they are. People can change, and you can't change them. When people show you who they are, don't invent a version of them that you want to exist. Patterns are repeated behaviors. What do YOU change (or accept) when someone is engaged in ways that don't foster what you want in the relationship? #nedranuggets"

I love Dr. Tawwab (I wrote about her last week in the piece on boundaries.) She also has a newsletter on the same site as this one. It's called Nedra Nuggets. Her Instagram is so engaging and helpful. She posts "secrets from a therapist" advice and wisdom that feel like actual secrets, and she also makes little explainer videos, which I find quite helpful.

Mental Health Anonymous @mh.anonymous

Mental Health Anonymous is a program of self-support groups for general mental health concerns. I love their mission, and I love their Instagram.

Mental Health Anonymous on Instagram: "Reposted from @memezar #mha #mentalhealthanonymous #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthstigma #mentalhealthstruggles #breakthestigma #yourmentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthishealth #misunderstood #notlazy #mentallysick #checkonyourfriends #checkonyourkids #kidsmentalhealth #childrenmentalhealth #askthehardquestions #mentallyill #mentalillnessawareness #depressionawareness #suicideawareness #mentalhealthmyths #commonmistakes"

246 Likes, 9 Comments - Mental Health Anonymous (@mh.anonymous) on Instagram: "Reposted from @memezar #mha #mentalhealthanonymous #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthstigma #mentalhealthstruggles #breakthestigma #yourmentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthishealth #misunderstood #notlazy #mentallysick #checkonyourfriends #checkonyourkids #kidsmentalhealth #childrenmentalhealth #askthehardquestions #mentallyill #mentalillnessawareness #depressionawareness #suicideawareness #mentalhealthmyths #commonmistakes"

BLOGS

I'm a big fan of Nick Wignall's newsletter. Practical tips for emotional growth.

WEBSITES

The Mighty is a website community for everyone suffering from mental health issues. This is a place for people to share their personal struggles, and find partners in suffering and healing alike.

The Cure for Chronic Pain. I first heard about Nicole Sachs, a writer, and psychotherapist, from my sister. A student of John Sarno's, her workshops, website, and podcast, are all immense resources for people with chronic pain, anxiety, and depression.

PODCASTS

Minds and Mics hosted by the therapist, Nick Wignall. These are casual conversations with experts in the mental health and psychology worlds, helping us to better understand how our minds work.

You, Me, Empathy is founded by Non Wels, a master of feeling, and an empathetic leader, creating safe spaces for everyone to share their stories. Here's the episode I did!

Anxiety Bites by Jen Kirkman. Kirkman is a comedian who suffers from anxiety and is aiming to normalize an experience felt by literally everyone! She's an amazing interviewer. Here's my episode!

And you? What are your favorite resources?

Let me know in the comments!

Thank you for reading.

Until next week, I am…

Amanda

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