Everyone Hates Being Overlooked. Here's How I Handled Accidentally Excluding an Entire Generation of Readers.

Mea Culpa

A couple of weeks ago, I published a fairly comprehensive Mental Health Awareness Resource.

I admit I went into it expecting it to be tedious, but I was wrong: I had the most fun time putting it together.

It covered a lot of ground, and I was proud of how extensive it was. I knew I couldn't include every single category, but I felt it covered a lot of ground. What I did not anticipate was that, despite its broadness, it still managed to exclude an entire generation of people. A population we constantly overlook.

The day it published, I received this email:

"Hi Amanda- I just came across your excellent article on mental health resources. However, I didn't see anything listed for Senior citizens. We tend to be neglected and suffer in silence. Do you have any suggestions? Thank you for your response. Warmest regards, Susan"

I left out mental health resources for senior citizens!

Mortified, I wrote back to Susan to apologize, thanked her for bringing this to my attention and promised her a mental health resource for senior citizens.

Then, I began to research.

And … well, my friends …

There are SO FEW MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES that target seniors. Most of the services I found were either specific to particular assisted living communities, or to scientific research.

What began as a Mental Health Resource for our older population, morphed into a general all-purpose resource with mental health resources included. That's how few things I found.

This broke my heart.

We care so little for our elderly population.

I think it's because we've been every age EXCEPT older than we are now. When we can't imagine, when we DON'T imagine what the specific daily struggles are for seniors, we ignore them.

I felt so deeply upset with myself for overlooking this segment of society, and I sat for a bit, projected myself forward and thought through a day in the life of my 80-year-old self. What would I need? What would my friends need?

Based on those questions, I searched. And searched. And searched.

This issue of “How to Live” encompasses the best of what I found.

But first, before we continue, I want to introduce you to Susan, the "How to Live" reader and subscriber who sent me this email.

I asked if I could feature her in today's newsletter and she kindly agreed and answered some questions for me.

Born and raised: New York Currently live: California

Pets: None at this time, though I have had dogs, cats, birds and fish in the past

Do you have a place where you feel happiest? Where is it? Right now I feel happiest in my little cottage in the woods in Marin County, CA

I feel like everyone, whether they know it or not, is driven by a question, and their life is lived in service of answering it. Do you have thoughts about this? Do you agree? Disagree? I do agree.

From an early age I was taught that being of service to others was a great life purpose. When young I was a Girl Scout, and took part in activities to help my community. When I grew up, my career was in Customer Service/Support.

I also owned and ran a successful restaurant in Mill Valley, CA from 1974-1977 that donated to many local clubs and activities.In addition, for 15 years I sang for people at the end of their lives with the Marin Threshold Choir. The choir started out as a local endeavor and grew to encompass over 2000 women in the US and many countries abroad.

What is the question your life is trying to answer? "How can I use my talents, money and interests to be of service to others, while also supporting myself and living my best life?"

What are your views on marriage? I was married for 18 years to a man 25 years older than me.

We had a lot in common early on, but as he grew older it became harder for me to relate to him, as he needed to slow down, and I was just hitting my stride. This caused irrevocable problems and the marriage ended. I have never wanted to remarry.

Growing up, did you have siblings? Did you get along? Where did you fall in birth order? I had twin brothers who were 2 years younger than me. We got along pretty well, and once we were adults we really liked each other a lot.

One of them passed away at the end of 2020 as collateral damage to Covid. The other lives across the country, but we communicate almost daily.

Do you have a singular passion? More like multiple - I love cooking and enjoying food. And gardening, and walking in Nature

Do you have a favorite book or poem? Cross Creek by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings is my favorite non-fiction book, and I reread it every few years. I also deeply enjoy detective fiction by women writers like Laurie R. King, Rys Bowen, Nancy Atherton, Elizabeth Peters, Sue Grafton, Louise Penney and Jacqueline Winspear, each of whom has written series with wonderful characters.

I love the poetry of Rumi, especially this poem.

Do you, or did you have a career? What was it?

Initially I went to college to become an art teacher, but the birth rate had dropped in the early 1970's and schools were being closed. So I went to work as a grocery clerk, where I met my husband, who was a customer.

The short version of our romance is the he checked ME out!

We opened a restaurant together a few short months after we married, and ran it for three years. Afterward, he became a cabinet maker and carpenter, and I went into sales, marketing and customer service, working for a variety of local businesses, and even helping to start a secretarial recruiting company in San Francisco.

What do you find are the four hardest things about aging as relates to your physical body? Loss of physical strength, loss of hearing, loss of memory, and loss of bladder control!

What do you find are the four hardest things about aging as relates to your mental health? I have to constantly fight loneliness, physical decline, pain and worry about money.

Why do you think that America overlooks its elderly population? Our culture worships Youth. When elders are slow, hard of hearing or otherwise impaired, l feel that there is little compassion on the part of many younger people to understand and be willing to accommodate us.

Are we afraid, and if so, what are we afraid of? I don't feel we're afraid of the elderly, per se. Some people may shy away from them because they fear their own aging or death. Others may feel that the elderly are taking up space and precious resources. In my personal experience, I feel loved and respected by those close to me, for my wisdom and humor.

Do you think we’d be better off if life and death were topics that we all grew up learning about in school? Yes, I do. I was about 6 years old when my aunt's only son passed away in his sleep.

My parents brought me to the funeral. My aunt questioned why my mother did so, and mother replied "She has to learn sometime."

My father nearly died of a heart attack two years later, and I learned that my parents were also mortal. In 2002 I joined the Threshold Choir and learned to sing gentle songs for those in struggle, to prepare me to handle my own mother's death, which didn't happen until 2008.

I was able to sing a her bedside as she went down the path to the end, It was a most blessed form of service.

When you look with clarity at the world today, what is your fear for future generations? Each generation has had its trials and tribulations to figure out. I feel that the future will either bring lasting peace, or our species will end up dying out, like so many millions of others. But I am betting that the next generations will figure it out, and continue to evolve.

What would you tell them right now if you had their ear?

I would tell them to always seek the path that comes from Love, and Honesty and Faith.

Is there something you’d like us to know about you, or life as you see it, that I didn’t ask? What is it?

The poem "Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann has guided me for many years. These last few lines are what I truly believe:

"And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."

Thank you to Susan for pointing out my egregious oversight, and for saying YES to this feature.

Now, without further ado, the resource...

Original art for "How to Live" by Edwina White

MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCE GUIDE FOR SENIORS

GENERAL INFORMATION

Aging Together (local to VA, but filled with useful information)

National Institute for Aging (public health information; resources)

AARP Mental Health Center (tons of amazing articles)

JOBS

Finding a Job the latest articles on how to find a job

Senior Community Service Employment Program a community service and work-based job training program for older Americans.

Indeed.com (a search directory)

FREEBIES

DISCOUNTS

INFORMATION ABOUT AGE RELATED DILEMMAS

Happy Seniors tips on various topics related to the third age, information necessary to assist with problems and dilemmas related to aging, a forum for opinions questions and answers.

VOLUNTEERS TO HELP YOU

Elder Helpers volunteers to carry groceries, run errands, give rides, entertain (i.e. sing, dance, and make you laugh!), help out with making phone calls, writing letters and reading, help with cleaning and help with cooking.

Friendship Works working to reduce elder isolation by connecting volunteers with older adults for friendship and support.

Love Our Elders fighting loneliness with love, one letter at a time.

VOLUNTEER SO YOU CAN HELP OTHERS

AmeriCorps Senior Program make giving back your second act.

Silver Sneakers a list of organizations and worthy causes.

Retired and Senior Volunteer Program (RSVP ) engages persons of 55 and older in volunteer opportunities to meet community needs.

Volunteer Forever (Volunteer Abroad) a list of ideas and links.

AGING AND INVISIBILITY

AGING IN RURAL REGIONS

AG State of Mind (resources for farmers)

The Rural Mental Health Toolkit (resources for North Americans)

Stigma Free Society committed to combatting the stigma of mental health

AGING WHILE BLACK

AGING WHILE ASIAN AMERICAN / PACIFIC ISLANDER (AAPI)

Mental Health America Fact Sheet (article about stereotypes and societal issues)

The NAAPIMHA Association to promote the mental health and well being of the Asian American, Native Hawaiian, and Pacific Islander communities

AAHI Resource Library (resources, publications, reports...)

BLOGS / ONLINE MAGAZINES

Next Avenue (the most interesting of all the available magazines I've seen)

Suddenly Senior (articles, jokes, trivia)

The Best Corny Jokes (self explanatory!)

Love to Know (a ton of topics and articles)

Third Age (a premier health and wellness site targeted to women of all ages and their families)

AARP the nation's largest nonprofit, nonpartisan organization dedicated to empowering Americans 50 and older to choose how they live as they age

NEWSLETTERS

Better Health While Aging practical information for aging health and family caregivers

Senior Planet from AARP harnesses technology to enhance the way we age.

OR, Why Not Make Your Own Newsletter?? (here are some ideas & templates)

SOCIAL MEDIA

SENIORS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO "TECH"

Seniors Guide to Computers (people will have to print this out and bring it to their non-computing friends!)

SEX & DATING

The best sites for older adults (top 5 picks for online dating services)

ADVOCATES

Diverse Elders Coalition (DEC) advocates for policies and programs that improve aging in our communities as racially and ethnically diverse people; American Indians and Alaska Natives; and lesbian, gay, bisexual and/or transgender people.

Justice in Aging helping to remove barriers of low-income seniors

Administration on Aging provided home and community-based services to millions of older persons

Senior Concerns assists thousands of seniors living on their own or with family members with such issues.

Love of Gray To ignite a movement of Millennials to see and celebrate seniors by engaging them in an exciting and relevant way.

Longterm Care Ombudsman Program advocates for residents of nursing homes, assisted living facilities, board and care homes, and similar adult care homes.

GROWING OLD IN AMERICA

FINANCES

Money for Older Adults tips for money management

Tax-Aide Program (free taxes)

LIVE ONLINE CLASSES

For Seniors From Senior Planet (a selection of online classes for people 60+)

25 Free Online Courses (from investing to coding, and from Yale to Oxford, learn something new)

Free Online Courses for Seniors (This is a great list, but they don't offer links, which is odd and frustrating. But you can Google them!)

GROWING OLD IN OTHER COUNTRIES

THE BEST PLACE TO GROW OLD

Three of the best countries in the Longevity Management Scorecard are led by women - Finland, Denmark and New Zealand. As women make up fewer than 10% of world leaders, it may be significant that more age-ready countries are also more gender progressive.

Ever Heard of GEROSCIENCE?

MEDICAL NECESSITIES

Medical Baseline Program also known as Medical Baseline Allowance, is an assistance program for residential customers who depend on power for certain medical needs. Learn more in a short video.

PRODUCTS FOR THOSE LIVING SOLO

Must haves 12 essential products (leading specialists in aging, eldercare and geriatrics choose necessary products for living alone, while also offering the best bang for your buck)

Elliq an empathetic care companion that empowers happy independent aging at home

BEST SMART-HOME DEVICES for LIVING SOLO

Plug-In Smart Outlet (to set your lights to a regular schedule)

Amazon Echo (voice control your music, ask it questions, set routines)

Smart Doorbell Camera (see a person at your door from head to toe)

Smoke Detector it speaks if it detects smoke or Carbon Monoxide.

IPad for Zoom and larger touch screen apps

Motion Sensor + Hub (this system requires two parts-the sensor and the hub) It alerts you when it detects unexpected motion

THERAPEUTIC TOOLS

Therapy at Home Workbooks (workbooks to untangle unhealthy relationships)

Somni Light (amber light to help you fall asleep faster)

Therapeutic Worksheets (on Pinterest. Must have an account)

INTELLECTUAL STIMULATION

Seniors Book Club (on Senior Planet)

Brain HQ (raising the bar on brain training)

Wordle a word game (the New York Times)

Spelling Bee (the New York Times)

HOW TO SPOT AND AVOID ONLINE SCAMS

ANXIETY

What Does Anxiety Feel Like? (symptom checker)

During Covid (coping tips)

Anxiety Disorders in Older Adults (a variety of information)

DEPRESSION

Fact Sheet (self-explanatory)

Crisis Text Line (self-explanatory)

Older Adults Depression learn the signs and symptoms

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (tools for wellness and treatment)

Healthy Ideas (a program model)

The Program to Encourage Active, Rewarding Lives aka Pearls (a program) educates older adults about what depression is (and is not) and helps them develop the skills they need for self-sufficiency and more active lives.

DEPRESSION SCALES (these are assessments used by clinicians but are also useful for patients to see and weigh their symptoms against)

AGING DURING COVID

COGNITIVE DECLINE

Memory Keepers improving the quality of life for people impacted by memory loss

PAIN MANAGEMENT

Geriatric Pain provides quality resources and tools for pain care for older adults)

SERVICES

In Home Care (a list of senior in-home care resources)

For Veterans (Information for Military Personnel & Their Families)

Coordinated Care (Medicare program and Medicaid state option that gives community based care and services to people 55 or older who otherwise would need a nursing home level of care.)

LIVING AT HOME

State Resources Guide every state has an Aging Services Division dedicated to providing frail seniors with home and community-based services, so that they can continue living in their own homes, instead of having to enter a nursing home.

Aging in Place ( guide to determine if aging in place is best for your loved one, and what programs, services and supports are available to help them continue living at home.

PACE The National PACE Association (NPA) advances the efforts of Programs of All-Inclusive Care for the Elderly (PACE®). PACE programs coordinate and provide all needed preventive, primary, acute and long-term care services so older individuals can continue living in the community.

LONELINESS

Conversations to Remember connecting high school and college students with senior citizens to combat the epidemic of loneliness. Putting a smile on the faces of seniors, including those experiencing cognitive decline, creating a bridge between seniors and youth.

A Cure for Disconnection (article) loneliness is a problem of epidemic proportions, affecting millions from all walks of life. But while its roots are complex, remedies may be within reach.

Aging UnLonely empowers partners with programs that use the arts as an accessible and effective public health tool for older adults to create meaningful connections and improve health and well-being.

ELDER ABUSE

Elder Rights (resources) a place to identify your rights and report abuses list of programs designed to provide easy access to information on reporting suspected abuse nationwide.

Adult Protective Services easy access to information on reporting suspected abuse nationwide.

What is Self-Neglect? (a checklist)

DRUG USE

Most Prescribed Drugs (an informative list)

The Dangers of Polypharmacy (an article on the dangers of using multiple drugs)

Treatment Help for the Elderly different types of elderly alcohol treatments are available for those who wish to stop their dependency on alcohol, including senior alcohol rehab facilities

AGEISM

Ageism in Ads (an article)

PODCASTS FOR SENIORS

TRANS SENIORS

Lambda Legal know your rights

GAY SENIORS

Sage Advocacy making aging better for LGBTQ seniors

This is My Brave empowering individuals to put their names and faces on the true stories of recovery, mental health and addiction.

FOR CAREGIVERS

Health in Aging public education portal, providing older adults and caregivers with up-to-date information on health and aging—as well as access to a network of geriatrics healthcare professionals.

HOUSING

HEALTH AND WELLNESS

MedLine Older Adult Care (articles about medical issues related to aging)

Nutrition (everything you needed to know about eating, but were afraid to ask!)

Meditation (how to begin; benefits of practicing)

Free Guide to Health and Wellness (not Wealth and Hellness, as I first wrote)

SOCIALIZING

Senior Planet Communities (tons of different interest-specific communities)

Making Friends (How to find friends and fight loneliness after 60- in 5 steps!)

Events (curated activities, and other ways to meet like-minded people)

Meet-Up (meet people, make friends, find support)

Engaged a national effort to increase the social engagement of older adults, people with disabilities and caregivers

TRANSPORTATION

Mobility Managers (article)

FOR PEOPLE LOCAL TO NYC ONLY

Free Mental Health Screening New Yorkers age 60 and older can get mental health screenings, on-site counseling, and referrals at senior centers near them

NYC Department of Aging the New York City Department for the Aging’s information and referral contact center for older adults and their families.

Individual and Group Therapy individual and group for people 55+

WEBINARS

Aging Together (free webinars about mental health and aging)

SUICIDE PREVENTION

Suicide Resource Prevention Center resources for older adults

FAMILY SUPPORT & FOR CAREGIVERS

Health Library Articles (A library of health resources for caregivers and families)

VIRTUAL REALITY THERAPY

Reminiscence Therapy using Virtual Reality to re-experience meaningful parts of one's life

ONLINE THERAPY

Blue Moon Senior Counseling tele-health online counseling

7 Cups offers a free 24/7 chat with trained volunteers and peers, as well as paid therapy sessions with professional counselors.

Better Help the “largest online counseling service worldwide.”

Faithful Counseling mental health therapy from a Biblical Perspective.

Talk Space personalized care for a myriad of mental health issues

Online-Therapy (affordable, top quality, CBT-based treatment)

Geriatric Psychiatry (Directory/Finder)

Geriatric Psychiatry Finder (Directory/Finder)

Zen Care (Therapist Database)

ABOUT THERAPY / TYPES OF THERAPY

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is an emerging evidenced-based approach to the treatment of emotional distress.

TREATMENT & SUPPORT GROUPS

Senior Support Groups different support groups exist for many health conditions, bringing together people who face similar problems to share not only problems but also solutions.

Why a Support Group? If you're facing a major illness or stressful life change, you don't have to go it alone. A support group can help. Find out how to choose the right one.

Behavioral Health Services Locator a confidential and anonymous source of information for persons seeking treatment facilities in the United States or U.S. Territories for substance use/addiction and/or mental health problems.

Find the Best Support Group (searchable directory)

GRIEF

The Center for Grief & Loss offers specialized therapy for complicated grief, trauma and life transitions

Death and Dying From the Griever's Perspective (abstract) elderly persons’ experiences of grief over the loss of family members

The Grieving Brain (a book by Mary-Frances O' Connor)

PERFORMANCE

And you? Do you feel like we ignore our elderly population? If so, why do you think that is?

If you have resources you'd like to add, please put them in the comments! Thank you!

Until next week I remain…

Amanda

(Nope, I'm not a therapist or medical professional. I'm just a human being who has spent most of her life trying to figure out how to live.)

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