A Look Back On One Year of “How To Live.”
1 year anniversary!
Professionally
When I began this newsletter, I dove in 1,000 percent, and was wholly convinced that my drive would hold, powered by the sun of passion alone.
I can’t recall experiencing such consistent and unlimited fulfillment from a writing project before.
The ratio of suffering to creating was imbalanced, in favor always on the side of producing.
At the same time, I threw myself into learning the business of online media. I signed up for one workshop after another (offered free for Bulletin writers by Meta), which spanned the first seven or eight months of this past year.
For the first time in my life, I wanted to know and understand everything I’d never wanted to know and understand, like the language of marketing, engagement, analytics, monetization, membership strategy, mission statements, and paywalls.
My days were filled with reading, research, writing, and workshops workshops workshops.
After a few weeks of workshops, I began feeling in my head and out of my depth, and I remembered something I have known my entire life: I am a kinesthetic learner, not a visual one. Charts, graphs, shapes, and buzzwords overwhelm me. The workshops began to have a counter-productive effect on me; they drained my energy and stamina.
Getty Images | Tom Werner
They also came in the middle of my writing day, disrupting my rhythm and pace and bumping me out of whatever progress I made.
Learning how to do the job was interrupting my ability to do my job.
I learn best by doing. This is not new information for me, but I’ve learned that much of life is spent relearning things I already know.
If I was going to understand the language to identify the areas that would grow my newsletter, I knew I had to move out of the world of workshops and into the the arena where I'd actually learn: the discomfort zone.
I had to DO the things instead of simply listening and writing the things down. This meant going LIVE on Instagram and Facebook to understand engagement firsthand. This meant teaching myself how to create and launch social-media campaigns to understand growth, and seven hundred other buzzwords, firsthand.
The learning curve was steep.
Getty Images | Phiromya Intawongpan
But what I discovered and have come to value and rely upon is that the more I did uncomfortable things, the more committed I became to landing on and shaping what worked—which reframed failure for me. Instead of fearing failure, I embraced it. The sooner I knew what didn’t work, the sooner I’d land upon what did.
Writing this newsletter, going toward what scared me (doing Facebook and Instagram LIVES) while being open to failure has been my best teacher, as well as learning from my colleagues here at Bulletin.
Watching my co-workers utilize the tactics I was trying to grasp in workshops was also really helpful, because I also learn by watching.
There are so many unbelievable newsletters on Bulletin, and I've learned so much from many of my colleagues.
For instance...
++ Update: Bulletin has since folded, so most of the newsletters listed below can now be found on Substack! ++
Jiquanda Johnson (whom I bonded with in under 4 minutes in a breakout room on Zoom the very first time we met) taught me about growth and staying true to one's vision while also listening to readers. Subscribe to Black Like Us
Jason Feiffer taught me about social media marketing through his zippy IG stories. Subscribe to Build for Tomorrow
Dr. Nedra Tawwab taught me how to shore up my personal and professional boundaries. Subscribe to Nedra Nuggets
Alyssa Hardy taught me the power of compelling, funny and spirited reels. Subscribe to This Stuff.
Julie Lythcott-Haims taught me about community support and engagement. Subscribe to Julie's Pod
Dr. Samantha Boardman taught me to "turn full days into fulfilling days." Subscribe to The Dose
Nik Sharma has taught me to slow down and take all the time I need instead of simply rushing ahead. Subscribe to This is a Cook-Letter
Inside Black Iowa (by Black Iowa News) has taught me that small-town news is global. Subscribe to Black Iowa News
While I started at full blast, about eight months in I began to tire and had to face reality: giving 1,000% all the time is not sustainable.
That said, I try to respond to every single comment, DM, mention, and email I’ve received. Sometimes things slip through the cracks, but I always try to let you know that I see and hear you.
Original art for "How to Live" by Edwina White
Personally
Since September 8, 2021, I’ve written 60 fairly comprehensive pieces on everything from the difference between feelings and emotions to the true story of my fake ex-husband.
Because I’ve spent the year reading, thinking, researching, and writing about psychology and mental health, I have grown stronger and feel more grounded in my body and my life.
Things that were once practically too hard for me—drawing boundaries, saying no, setting limits, standing up for myself—are now less hard. In fact, they’ve been things I now confidently lean on.
When you are a person who absorbs other people’s pain, emotion, crises, and feel the ripples of their trauma in your own body, setting limits and creating space to care for yourself is vital.
In the past, I haven’t done that, and it has caused me to be there for people at the expense of taking care of myself. This is damaging to everyone. It has taken decades for me to truly learn to put my emotional needs before others’.
But writing this newsletter has helped me appreciate that my default—to make other people’s crises my own—doesn’t help anyone. I always knew it was true for others, but not for me.
Now I do.
I started this project with zero subscribers. I could have imported my mailing lists from my podcast Bookable and my reading series “Happy Ending” (RIP). But I wanted to see whether I could grow this organically. In one year, I’ve brought in 20.6K subscribers, exceeding my expectations.
My three favorite posts:
Your three favorite posts:
My Favorite Artwork by Edwina White:
ALL OF THEM. But today’s top three are:
Favorite collaborations:
My Live with Pablo (my fake ex-husband)
My Live with Dr. Nedra Tawwab on boundaries
My Live with Jesse Finkelstein on Karen Horney
This NUTSO Live with my siblings Kara Stern and Eddie Stern on humming and the nervous system.
Here are some upcoming topics:
The History of IQ Testing
Security Theater
Emotional Intelligence
Attachment Theory
The Courage to Be Disliked
This isn’t my usual piece, but please let it serve as a gesture of my gratitude to you.
Your engagement, enthusiasm, encouragement, and your sharing it with friends and family are the roots that have grown this project and keep it strong.
Thank you for believing in me and my work enough to be a subscriber—and to those who pay, thank you for making growth possible.
Special thanks to Edwina White, Kera Bolonik and Silvana Ordonez.
What have been your favorites from this first year of How to Live?
Let me know in the comments!
Until next week I remain...
Amanda
If anything you've read resonates or rings true, please consider a small or large donation to keep this resource paywall-free and accessible to everyone.
Anything bought in the How to Live Bookshop can earn me a small commission, which goes to subsidize this newsletter.
📬 Email me at: [email protected]
📖 Buy my book Little Panic: Dispatches from an Anxious Life
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