When You KNOW You’re Right, You’re Probably Wrong.

You go to a party with a date; someone you’ve been seeing for a couple of months.

You like this person.

A lot.

This is your first party and you’re feeling slightly anxious about whether or not they are socially well-adjusted.

You’re about to find out.

You know a lot of people at this party, but somehow you and your date get stuck talking to someone you cannot stand.

This person is, let’s face it, repugnant.

Every time you see them, they are always just a bit too drunk, too loud, and too close, spraying spittle from their big wet red popsicle lips.

Worst of all, they keep interrupting your new person’s sentences, finishing them on their behalf, despite never getting it right.

“After half an hour, I realized—”

“That you should give up and go home!” interrupts the interrupter.

“No, I should probably call them to see if they’re okay.”

You’re mortified and can’t wait until the party is over so you and your date can have a post-mortem and dissect the grotesquery of Old Drunk Wet Lips.

The second you step into the elevator, you turn and profusely apologize to your new person about getting stuck with that absolute horror of a human when—much to your deeper horror your person says—

“Oh, he wasn’t so bad.”

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