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As I’ve mentioned, I’m in Malta for a month. A month that is quickly closing in on me. Today, for my beloved paid members, I am taking you on a private walking tour through Malta, a place many can’t even identify on a map. (Find Sicily, then look below a few inches.)

The first week and a half I stayed in Rabat. A sweet part of Malta, where the sidewalks are Scotch Tape narrow—Busy had to walk either in front or behind me.

The doors in Malta are a wonder and so are the closed balconies, called gallarija (plural: gallariji).

Our local religious artifact restorer.

I went to a pop-up sale at Kixott, a cultural center, pronounced Kick-Shoet.

I took this from the balcony while they were setting up. It started at 11 a.m. I got there at 11:30. I took this at 12:30 p.m. This is the day I learned that in Malta, “start time” is just a loose idea.

This is Mdina (pronounced IM-DEENA) It’s known as “The Silent City” because there are no cars. (Even though there are um…some cars?)

There were some serious housing issues (I’ll write about that when I return) and I moved into a hotel for a few days.

This is in Sliema, known as the shopping district in Malta.

I read about a dog beach in Sliema, so I took Busy there, but it was locked, so we snuck in. It wasn’t really a beach, but she had a blast, and it was beautiful.

Valletta is the capital of Malta and has a ton of stairs instead of sidewalks. Really really good for those counting steps.

After Sliema, I moved to Birgu, the oldest part of Malta, and so far, my absolute favorite. This is from the Valletta ferry to Birgu. A 5 minute ride.

Not to be outdone by the magnificent doors, and gallariji, the knockers are quite something.

My sister Kara came to visit and we went to the Ħal Tarxien Prehistoric Complex and saw how much more capable we were in the early Bronze Age than we are now.

I went from living in a house with black mold to this resplendent way of life. How will I ever be the same? Can I really return to my small Brooklyn apartment when I have NO INFINITY POOL ON THE ROOF THAT OVERLOOKS THE GRAND HARBOUR???

PEOPLE, I am shook.

I mean COME ON!

This is a typical sunset. Every night.

Ho hum, no big.

This is the view from the roof.

The same view from THE BATHTUB in the bathroom with HEATED FLOORS and HEATED TOWEL RACKS!

There’s a famous Sunday Car Boot Sale (new term to me) in Birgu (pronounced Birgo, btw) where they sell everything and nothing. You’ll see…

Some sights in Birgu, which is a fortified town.

This is my favorite shop that hasn’t been open once since I’ve been here. My sister and I laughed so hard when we saw the name. But it’s so right. What else is there to shoes, if not life?

The smallest library in Malta is in Birgu, inside this phone booth. Mainly religious textbooks, Maltese romance novels and Maltese translations of Eat, Pray, Love.

We went to a small fishing village called Marsaxslokk—come on, you can pronounce it. Marsa-schlock.

On Sundays there’s a huge fish market which I haven’t been to yet because you have to get there at 6am, which is a time I didn’t even know we had.

We went to St. Peter’s Pool, where St. Peter used to swim.

Oh come on, that was a little funny.

And the Salt Pans

I somehow managed to take 3 absolutely bonkers good photos of birds on my iphone.

No one in the entire EU knows how I did it.

Oh, hello. This is the view from the bathtub.

I discovered a shortcut down to the harbor, right near the house I’m staying in.

I am 100000% not religious, but I did find God in Malta.

He lives down the block from me in Birgu. Haven’t met him yet. Apparently, he hasn’t been seen in ages, but word is he plans to return any day now.

Some shots of my neighborhood. (And God’s, I guess.)

Across the road from me is St. Scholastica Convent, which used to be an infirmary but is now a convent. The nuns never leave. Not even to run their charity shop, which is teeming with thousands of tiny, breakable, goods.

Outside my house!

“My” house (with the brown wooden windows)

This guy fixes boats in the back of the convent.

This is Busy’s best friend. She is a regular at our favorite local restaurant, Il-Girbi. There are a handful of regulars. And when I say regulars, I mean I’ve never seen them anywhere else bit this restaurant. One evening, at around 4pm, my sister and I walked by and the three women were sitting in chairs outside the restaurant, their arms folded.

We asked if they were closed for the day and Busy’s best friend said, “They’re closed because she’s lazy. She’s asleep.”

Our square is called Victory Square. It’s currently under construction, but it’s still beautiful.

I really don’t know why America doesn’t have squares. We need squares. I love a square. I mean, we have SOME, but not enough. We need more.

Behind “my” house.

Oh my neighbor God! GUYS! I got a sneak peak inside the convent. A worker was going in and left the door open.

The regulars at Il-Girbi.

A neighborhood with Heaven’s Door AND God!?

This has been such an experience, and I can’t wait to tell you absolutely everything about it, which I will. When I return.

Until next week I will remain…