Past posts live here. Come 👋🏼 at me on FB, IG, Threads & Bluesky

The Incompatible Match Between The Ideal Self and The Actual Self.

Hello all,

I hope you had a lovely Thanksgiving holiday.

I’m entering my third week of being sick, and I’ll admit—it’s got me down. I’m sick of being sick, and tired of being tired. But instead of wallowing, I’ve been using this time to take stock of things and reflect on a stubborn pattern I want to disrupt.

One thing that keeps surfacing is incongruence—the mismatch between what we say and what we do. Much of my life, I’ve been drawn to people who traffic in incongruence. I’ve dated and befriended incongruent people; they felt familiar in a way I mistook for safety, but of course, they weren’t safe.

After a lot of hard work, I reached a point of no return. I’ve cleared most of these dynamics from my life—except for one: my own. I am still, on occasion, incongruent with myself.

Growing up with undiagnosed panic disorder, I was repeatedly let down by systems and adults who didn’t help me. This taught me to ignore my own needs, and to prioritize the needs of others. I internalized the belief that my distress didn’t matter, that I wasn’t worth support. And that belief, despite years of growth and healing, still shows up in my life.

But I feel a shift happening.

I’ve done enough work to recognize my value and smash back at old patterns whenever they reappear, but I’m also realizing how often I’ve gotten in my own way. I don’t always let people support me—I make it easy for them to opt out. It’s a dynamic I’ve carried for years, and one I’m finally ready to change.

These reflections are also tied to this newsletter, where I’ve poured my heart, soul, time, energy, and resources for the past three years. Next week, I’ll be making an important announcement about some changes. It hasn’t been an easy decision, but it’s one I’ve wrestled with for a long time, and I want to be transparent about where I’m at and what’s coming up.

Thank you for being here and for valuing this work. I’m so grateful to share this space with you.

Below, please find the TL;DR for November.

With gratitude,
Amanda

Until next week I will remain…

P.S. Thank you for reading! This newsletter is my passion and livelihood, and it thrives because of readers like you. If it’s brought you value, please consider donating to keep it going—or share it with a friend who might benefit. Every bit helps, and I’m deeply grateful for your support. 💙

Upgrade Donate Share