As a person who has spent her life battling panic and anxiety, I’ve developed some tricks for getting through everyday life.

I’ve always felt silly about the tricks I’ve invented and relied upon, so I’ve kept them secret.

But in recent years, people started asking me how I get onstage and speak in public—something I did for 15 years, despite suffering from horrific stage fright. So, I started giving people tips.

The more tips I provided, the more I realized I had in my possession.

You see, getting through a day when you have a panic and anxiety disorder can be incredibly trying, and one surefire way to get done what needs doing when you’re a basket case, is to- well, pretend.

Yes, I pretend.

A lot.

To get through a variety of tricky situations, I play parts, perform, and scheme. And no one ever knows, and nobody gets hurt.

The word “hack” has always rubbed me the wrong way. You can’t hack life. You can’t really hack anything. What you CAN do is make hard things feel easier, and you do that by rotating your point of view, or the problem itself.

You make or create, a mindset shift, or a pivot.

Today I will let you in on some of my top-secret pivots and creative ways I get through things that bring me anxiety. I hope that they’ll jumpstart your own personal pivots. Here are some of my best pivots, with the ultimate one at the bottom.

I hope you’ll find they work for you, too, or inspire effective pivots of your own.

1. PRETEND YOU’RE SOFIA COPPOLA

I suffer from a fair amount of social anxiety. The pandemic has only made things worse.

When I have to go to a party, or any social event alone, the only way I can actually get through the door is to pretend that I’m Sofia Coppola. Why Sofia Coppola? Well, to me she’s the most interesting type of beautiful—she embodies an aloofness I’ve never even felt, and she seems to be hiding something.

So: Interesting to look at, intimidating, mysterious.

I have no idea if pretending I'm Sofia Coppola makes me seem different to other people, but I feel different to me, and sometimes it’s that type of difference that makes all the difference. When we feel too familiar with our perceived shortcomings, we tend to fall back on them. But when we feel a bit new to ourselves, those shortcomings no longer exist.

2. DRESS LIKE YOU’RE ON VACATION

The pandemic has worn us all out. We’re not even entirely sure we’re still IN a pandemic (we are). On top of being worn out, there’s the rest of the world to worry about. If only we could just go somewhere else for a little while. But that requires money and who has that?

I’ve desperately wanted to go away, but there are a trillion reasons why I can’t actually have a proper vacation (I have heard very nice things about them). And so, a couple weeks ago it dawned on me. Why not just dress like I'm on vacation in order to extract that specific vacation-feeling from my regular, every day life?

I wore an oversize blue-and-white striped Breton-style T-shirt, tucked into green just walking along the Thames loose pants, sandals, and …the pièce de résistance? A straw hat. I got stopped on the street, people! I got complimented and you know why?

Because of the next pivot…

3. PRETEND YOU’RE ON VACATION

Well, I mean, you’re already dressed for it, right? Might as well go all the way.

Stay in your neighborhood, or go to a new one, and adopt new eyes by pretending you’re in Barcelona, or Menorca (my favorite place on Earth), or somewhere you’d so love to be right now).

It’s strange how you can suddenly feel time breezing against your skin as air, breathe a bit more deeply, and sense the hours loosening in front of you so you’re less constricted. Highly recommended!!

4. PRETEND YOU’RE IN THE COUNTRY

This is really only for people in small apartments. Sometimes I pretend that my Brooklyn apartment is actually a house in the woods.

Everything begins to take on a country tone, and time even feels elongated.

It’s amazing how you can change your state of mind by just choosing to think in a different way, or pretending you’re in a different place. It’s when I’m pretending that my apartment is a house in the country that I begin to care more about it.

5. SOFIA COPPOLA AGAIN!

This works for getting onstage in front of a live audience (or Zoom, in front of an audience). Choose anyone. Choose Meryl Streep. Choose Viola Davis. Sandra Oh.

Whomever you choose, lean into it and have fun. After all, it’s not you everyone is looking at, it’s Meryl, Viola, or Sandra they’re seeing.

6. PRETEND YOU’RE ON A TV SHOW

When there’s a task I must do that I’m avoiding (say, doing my dishes), I imagine that I’m on a TV show, and the scene calls for me to wash the dishes.

7. PRETEND A MAGAZINE EDITOR IS COMING OVER TO INTERVIEW YOU

Your apartment is a disaster, and you must clean it, but you just … can’t. If you can pretend that someone is coming over who is going to be WRITING ABOUT YOUR APARTMENT, you might pay a bit more attention to where things are and what things look like. People who don’t see their messes need to see through someone else’s eyes. I find that this is an excellent way to do it.

8. PRETEND YOU WORK FOR YOUR HERO

I know he’s dead, but when I need to work on my novel and procrastinate, I pretend it’s David Bowie’s novel, and I’m his ghostwriter. The game is that I have to give him pages at the end of the day and because I am so awed by him, I want him to be pleased with the pages I give him. So I work toward that goal.

This type of pretending gets me outside of my own head, away from all the critics who are chastising my word choices and bullying me about my insecurities. When I’m writing for David Bowie, the critics disappear, the bullies evaporate, and it’s just me real-writing a pretend book for David Bowie.

9. WRITE UNDER A PSEUDONYM

Don’t necessarily publish under a pseudonym, but if you’re having trouble writing anything—a toast, a screenplay, a eulogy—pick a pseudonym and write with the name masking your real identity.

Like #8, this frees up different areas of your brain, and you find yourself having original thoughts, ones you’ve never had before and feel sort of out-of-character. It’s wild. It’s also effective and fun. Try it!

Finally…

In 2012 or 2013, I decided to create the ultimate guide for my emotions.

Every time I came across something that made me feel the way I wanted to feel, I saved it.

Then, I created my own customized MANUAL FOR FEELING BETTER.

I HIGHLY recommend this to everyone.

I'll share a little bit of mine, if you bear in mind that it's dated.

A MANUAL FOR FEELING BETTER

FOR WHEN I NEED COURAGE because I'm afraid I can't do something, I watch Deb Cohan dance.

Dr. Deborah Cohan created a flash mob before a double mastectomy. She asked friends, strangers, and the doctors who were going to perform her surgery to dance to “Get Me Bodied (Extended Remix).”

WHEN I CAN'T WRITE BECAUSE I'M AFRAID OF THE RESPONSE I read this quote by Theodore Roosevelt.

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” —Theodore Roosevelt

FOR WHEN I FEEL HOPELESS I watch my favorite dancer.

Okay, yes, it's true: I love dancers and dancing. Anisha Thai is my absolute favorite dancer, dancing to one of my favorite songs (“Jerusalema,” by Master MK).

Whenever I need a quick uplift, I watch this, vow to learn it, try to learn it, fail to learn it, give up, and just watch this and pretend that I'm her.

This song gets me out of every rut.

Do you have pivots? If so, share them in the comments!

Until next week I remain…