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On Choosing What to Think: Dr. Chansky’s Practical Advice for Ruminators

When I was writing Resolving the unresolvable: the difference between thinking and ruminating (which you should peruse before reading this), I reached out to friend, and anxiety expert, Dr. Tamar Chansky to ask for some solutions on how to effectively manage or stop rumination when you’re stuck in its teeth.

She gave me so much information that I realized it warranted its own post. What follows here is our conversation, including Dr. Chansky’s indispensable advice on getting unstuck from the negative loops of rumination.

I can’t thank Dr. Chansky enough for her time and attention to these questions and for extricating me from my own vicious ruminating cycle.

AS: For starters, could you please explain the difference between rumination and thinking?

TC: Rumination is the process of having repetitive thoughts that your mind gets you stuck on. They are usually about a negative situation—a past relationship or interaction, a mistake, or some unfinished or pending problem.

Different from thinking or processing, which can be productive, cathartic, and illuminating, ruminating causes distress because we are reliving only the direness of that situation. The focus on negativity makes us feel more hopeless and helpless. Yet, because the ruminative thoughts seem necessary, we keep doing it —even though it’s counterproductive and leaves us feeling more anxious and down.

AS: What’s the opposite of rumination?

TC: The opposite of rumination is deciding what to think about. When you choose your thoughts, you get somewhere, you get closure. When we’re thinking, thoughts wander freely through the mind; with rumination, we feel stuck inside thoughts that take up psychic space.

We don’t feel in charge of ourselves when we’re ruminating. Sometimes people can feel that it’s helpful to ruminate to be responsible, to analyze a painful event or relationship to try to gain a better understanding, but the retreading feels miserable, and the misery prevents any progress on the matter.

It’s like trying to iron and re-iron out every wrinkle—what’s the point? People often describe their ruminations as an inability to stop their brain—they are overthinking without access to a brake. They are in overdrive and feel trapped in their own head.

AS: What are some tips to move from rumination into productive thinking?

TC: The first step is to bring separation between you and the feeling that you need to be attending to those ruminative thoughts. We may believe there’s a purpose to the rumination, but spinning in place gets us nowhere.

Often we know that it is counterproductive and anguishing, but the brain won’t let go, and we find ourselves in a loop.

Below, I recommend a two-part way to bring the emotion and importance of the thoughts down to size so that you can step back, get perspective, and begin to break free.

Step One helps with perspective, and Step Two helps with practical steps.

TAMAR CHANSKY'S TWO-STEP RULES FOR RUMINATORS

STEP ONE: CREATING SEPARATION

1. Label it. One of the most important responses we can have in improving our mental health is accurately labeling what’s happening to us or what mode we are in. Practice “spotting” the rumination episodes you have and name them that: This is rumination. This helps bring awareness and mindfulness to what’s happening, and you can decide whether it’s useful.

2. Edit it. Rumination causes distress because you review “unfinished” and “unpleasant” thoughts. When you’re caught in this cycle, try to down-regulate your emotions. You can do this by changing the “fact-ness” of your ruminative thought back into a feeling. Instead of “I screwed up,” try “I’m having the thought that I screwed up.”

The goal is to disengage yourself from the rumination trap you’re ensnared in: When you say that something is OK (instead of: It’s terrible), that makes your hypervigilant brain less interested in reviewing it because it’s no longer stamped as a danger.

3. Don’t take the bait. The content of ruminative thoughts is very attention-grabbing—fear, failure, loathing, resentment, pending business—but you know that you could spend hours spinning and not get anywhere. Instead, imagine they are in your stream of consciousness, but you don’t have to pick them up out of the stream; you can let those thoughts pass by.

4. Translation, please! This may sound odd, but translating a “triggering” word or phrase into another language—thank you, Google Translate! drives a wedge between the thought and your emotions and can add some levity. For example, saying the ruminative phrase in another accent or singing it to a song (e.g., “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”) breaks the hold the phrase has on you.

5. Perhaps sarcasm? For some people who like sarcasm, it can help to add to your rumination phrase, “This is the VERY MOST IMPORTANT THING I NEED TO THINK ABOUT NOW!” saying that helps create distance by bringing out the absurdity of that idea— in the absurdity an opening appears and you can get yourself in the clear.

6. Schedule it. If you’re having trouble creating distance with the previous strategies, sometimes just scheduling rumination sessions can help create boundaries in your psychic space. Tell your brain, “I will think about this for two minutes at 5 p.m.,” rather than ruminating “on demand.”

If the ideas come knocking at the door or barging in earlier than their appointed time, say, “Not yet, I’ll see you at 5 p.m.!”

7. Take some quiet time. Taking meditative breaks can help quiet the mind: Balance your inner picture by focusing on people or things you love or are grateful for—love and gratitude are the antidotes to fear and dread.

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